It’s happened to all of us: You meet a great man, the sparks fly, and you get caught up in a whirlwind of happy emotions. Then, just when it seems like things might be moving to the next level, he starts pulling away, and you’re left wondering what happened.
When a man pulls away or withdraws, most women want to understand what’s happening and how to fix it. You might start overthinking every little detail and going through every little interaction with a fine-tooth comb, looking for some sort of explanation.
Why Men Pull Away
There are numerous reasons a man will pull away in a relationship. But generally speaking, they can be put into two categories. The first is that he’s pulling away because of things going on in his own life, and it actually has nothing to do with you. The other reason is that the relationship isn't going great for him and he needs a little space.
Whatever the reason is, you shouldn’t panic. If you get stressed out and unload your anxiety on him, it’s going to push him away even further, regardless of if it has anything to do with you or not. Your relationship might be fine and he simply needs space. Don’t start something where there isn’t anything.
It’s Not Always Bad
A man pulling away doesn't necessarily mean it’s bad for you or your relationship. This is something you need to be mindful of. Don’t let your anxiety get the best of you. Read through this article so you can understand your situation a little better.
What You Should Do
The absolute worst part of this situation is not what you’d think. It’s not the pain you’re feeling. It’s not your fear of abandonment. And it’s not the hopelessly you feel at the thought of losing him.
The worst part is that, in these situations, the one that cares more is the one who ends up getting blamed and the one that gets hurt. When men withdraw, women often make the mistake of chasing him.
You’ll crowd him and put pressure on the entire situation, and then the man pulls away even further, and it can spiral into a vicious cycle. The more you try to make things right, the more he pulls away from you.
When a guy comes on strong early on and then suddenly retreats, it can seem like he’s playing games. Naturally, this can lead to anxiety, and that makes us want to put more focus on the whole thing. But this will only exacerbate the situation and cause him to drift further away.
The anxiety is understandable, of course. When you meet a man you’re compatible with; one that you’re really attracted to, and he really seems to like you, the wonderful feelings are abound and you feel amazing. He’s keeping in constant contact with you, he’s giving you tons of attention, you both keep making plans, and you’re both happy. Everything feels so perfect.
But then, one day, he stops calling as much. He seems distant. He doesn’t feel like making plans for the weekend. He doesn’t seem as affectionate with you, and he seems to be drifting away.
You don’t know why it’s happening, but you know something is off. The dread makes you feel awful. Having someone you love pull away from you with no explanation is excruciatingly painful. It’s one of the worst feelings in the world to have to go through.
Most women’s first thought is to try and fix the problem by trying to get closer to him. We want to talk to him and find out what the problem is. We want to ask him questions and try to find out what caused his behavior.
We want to analyze his every action. But the problem here is that this will cause the opposite in nearly every situation. It will cause him to pull away further.
This may seem counter-intuitive at first, but the best thing you can do in this situation is not to try pulling him back. Instead, focus on you.
At this point, you need to be spending your time and energy on doing things for yourself. You need to take the position that your time is better spent doing things for yourself, not spending it worrying about making him happy. Don’t put him on a pedestal. You’re worth more than that, and you need to show that you know this.
The only way to get a man to come back to you is by letting him come back on his own accord, not by trying to pull him back to you.
With that said, you’ll want to give him his space so that he can come back go you willingly and in his own time. Here are a few strategies you can use to help you through.
Pulling Away is Natural
Whether a man or a woman, it’s totally natural for a person to drift away at times, even if they’re in love. He may be going through something difficult that he needs to go through alone. He could be having a rough time with his job.
There could be any number of things that he’s dealing with that have nothing to do with you. The point here is that you don’t and won’t know. If you feel that, deep down, he’s still close to you in a sense, give him the time and space to work through whatever it is he’s working through.
Another thing to keep in mind here is that he may fear vulnerable with you. Falling in love can make anyone feel vulnerable. Our society teaches men to hide from their emotions, so when they do experience these feelings of love and vulnerability, they can be difficult for them to handle.
In fact, a lot of men can go between feeling close and connected to you from being distant and reserved. They aren’t yet comfortable being totally open about how they’re feeling. But as they continue to work through their emotions, they’ll get more and more comfortable with you, and the times they are distant will start to get smaller and fewer between.
If your relationship is meant to work, he’ll come back to you as time progresses — without your intervention. Just like any human being, he’ll want his own space from time to time, but it will become less frequent as he gets closer to you.
When you chase a man, it can make him feel less independent. It can make him feel like him and the relationship is under the microscope, and it creates feelings of anxiety in him, which can make him pull away even more.
The best way to deal with this is to give him the space he needs so that wants you more. You can’t push him into this: The only way to achieve this is by doing your own thing, giving him his space, and letting him see how much he desires you on his own.
A man will go back and forth between wanting his own independence and craving intimacy. Trying to figure out what the reason is for this will only serve to push him away more. It’s possible that he wants time alone to figure out how he feels about the relationship. Others may want the alone time to figure out what they’re doing with their life. Being human is hard work, and love can complicate this even more. Give him the time and space he needs to figure out what he wants.
Men are also pulled in by the desire to chase. So by giving him the space he needs to process whatever it is he’s processing, you also feed his primal desire to pursue you. This makes you more attractive.
Communicate Your Feelings
Negative feelings can overwhelm you when you feel your man start to pull away. Sadness, confusion, anger, and neglect can wash over you and make you feel like everything is toppling over and out of control.
And when he does come back around, it’s not unimaginable that you’ll feel a sense of resentment for having to go through these feelings. You’ll want him to know how he hurt you. But most women don’t communicate this in a way that their man can understand.
You need to express what you’re feeling without making him responsible for your emotions. You can’t accuse or interrogate him; this will only serve to put him on the defense. So, instead of asking him where he’s been or why he hasn’t called, let him know how glad you are to be hearing from him.
Make sure he’s feeling good and fun vibes with you. His pulling away hurt you because you care for him, so remember that now and tell him how much you appreciate his company rather than telling him how much he hurt you.
As we now know, a man can pull away for a variety of reasons. It could be the relationship, but it could also be something that has nothing to do with you. The point here is that trying to get closer to him when this happens is the worst thing you can do. It will only serve to hurt the relationship where there may not have been anything wrong with it, to begin with.
If there’s a distance between you and him, the best thing you can do is to let him have his space, continue living for yourself, and be the best person you can be for you. If he cares for you, and the relationship is meant to work, he’ll come back around. You’ll gain his love and respect by being patient with him and letting him process whatever it is he needs to process.