What is Asexuality?
You may believe asexuality is the same as abstinence or celibacy. This is not true. Abstinence is making a decision to temporarily abstain from sex. Celibacy is also about abstaining from sex, but usually for personal, cultural or religious reasons.
The difference between celibacy or abstinence and asexuality is that the latter is not a choice. We have found different people have a variety of definitions. You may believe it is having no sexual experience or not experiencing sexual attraction.
Some individuals do not feel any sexual attraction. This does not mean they are incapable of experiencing other types of attraction including:
Some people only feel a sexual attraction when there is a deeply romantic relationship. If you intend to have a relationship with an asexual, you must understand their libido may not be capable of sexual attraction.
Sexual attraction, sexual desire and libido are all different. In order to make your relationship work, you need to understand the other person. Although this may seem overly simple, we recommend talking to the person and asking questions.
Basics of Asexuality
Asexuality encompasses libido, sexual attraction and sexual desire. The libido enhances the desire for sexual release and pleasure. This means the person wants to have sexual experiences.
When you find someone you find sexually appealing and become interested in having sex, it is called sexual attraction. Sexual desire is the need for a personal connection or sex.
Asexual dating means understanding the other person might not be interested in sex or have an extremely low libido. The person you are dating may also be interested in having sex or prefer masturbation.
Understanding and Accepting the Needs and Desires of Your Partner
You may initially have difficulties accepting that there is no sexual attraction coming from your partner. Sex may be an important aspect of your life. In this instance, you need to understand your options with an asexual partner.
The two biggest mistakes you can make are trying to change your partner or invalidating the way they feel. The only thing you will accomplish is bringing out negative and often self-destructive feelings in your partner.
There is nothing wrong with the person you are dating and they are not broken. Asexuality is not a physical, mental, emotional or personal flaw. Your partner is not capable of changing who they are no matter how much effort is involved.
Denying the sexuality of your partner will not change anything except to irrevocably damage the possibility of a relationship. You will not be able to move forward until you accept the person you are dating for exactly who they are.
There is a lot of information available regarding asexuality. In most cases, understanding requires learning. We recommend checking your favorite social media platforms for:
You need to remember asexuality is different for everyone. Whether or not a person enjoys or desires sex does not mean the expectations, specific needs, attraction and experiences are all the same.
The information you read may not match the person you are dating. The simplest and faster way to understand is to ask questions. The person will understand there are things you do not understand.
If they are interested in establishing any type of bond, connection or relationship, they will be happy to answer your questions.
Changing the Way You Think
If you are using sex as a means of validating your relationship, you need to change the way you are thinking. Including sex as a factor when dating an asexual is a recipe for disaster.
Not only will you risk the destruction of your partner's self-esteem, but there is a good chance they will turn to some else for understanding. To help ensure your relationship has a solid foundation, you need to change your state of mind.
You must understand if the person you are dating does not want to have sex it has nothing to do with you. It does not mean they do not find you attractive or want to establish a closer connection.
Talk About How Often You Will Engage in Sexual Relations
If your partner is interested in sex, it may not be as frequently as you are used to. Talk with them openly and honestly to determine how often they want to have sex. Your partner understands sex is an important connection for you.
Your partner might be interested in having sex once a week or once a month. We do not believe the frequency is not nearly as important as coming to an understanding that works for both of you.
There are couples with one asexual partner participating in sex. Even if your partner does not have the same reactions as you, it does not mean their needs are not being fulfilled.
Do Not Place Pressure on Your Partner
If you put sexual pressure on your partner, the chances of your relationship working are between slim and none. All you will do is turn them away. Think about how you would feel if someone was pressuring you to have sex.
Be patient with your partner, allow your relationship to evolve naturally and wait for the response of your partner before you make any sexual moves. Talk about their capabilities regarding interest, stamina and enjoyment.
You want your sexual relations to be interesting, pleasurable and fun as opposed to forced and awkward. Find common ground and work from there. The result is often a secure and stable relationship.
If your sexual needs surpass those of your partner, consider masturbation to ensure your sexual satisfaction. This does not mean you are unable to have sex with your partner, but it will eliminate a lot of the pressure.
Finding True Intimacy
Sex is not the only way to ensure a close relationship. Think of sex like a piece of the pie. The other slices are just as important including:
You can become close to the person you are dating simply by respecting their boundaries, desires and needs. If you offer your partner support, you will receive the same in return.
If you need physical closeness, talk to the person about kissing. A lingering and soft kiss in the morning can leave you feeling good throughout the day. The warm and fuzzy feeling goes a long way toward true intimacy.
Consider giving your partner a non-sexual massage. Not only will you help them to relax, but you will also be touching them to help satisfy your own desires. You can build intimacy simply by looking deeply into their eyes.
Tell them what you like about them and the things they do that please you. If your partner cooks dinner, tell them what you liked about it. Knowledge will strengthen your relationship.
Talk about serious subjects in addition to your favorite books, bands and places. Take the time to share your life and learn about theirs. You will discover commonalities you can build on.
Relationships based solely on sex rarely succeed. True intimacy is about so much more than just sex.