The Importance Of Dating Someone Who Has Similar Interests As You

A big place to find common ground is in shared life experience. For example, if you're sticking to sobriety, you might have an easier time explaining that to someone who's doing the same.

Some life experiences that people might share include:

Shared Background

A shared background can encompass a number of things. Many people begin relationships with individuals with whom they share some background. For example, you might date someone who grew up in your hometown or went to your church. You might date someone who was raised by a single mother or the child of divorced parents, like you.

Certain cultural traditions might also be shared between you. Do you have similar cultural heritage or ancestry? You might find that your hometown has certain traditions that you didn't realize were unique until living in other areas.

When you share a background with another person, it's easier to connect on a deeper level. You don't have to spend as much time explaining your perspective. The pitfall is that you might expect your partner to understand more about you instinctively than they do. Sharing common ground doesn't negate the need for strong communication.

Shared Education

If you grew up in the same town as someone, you might have gone to the same high school. Maybe you met the person you're dating on your college campus because they're a fellow student. Maybe you happen to have gone to the same school by coincidence.

A shared educational background doesn't always mean that you went to the exact same school. Maybe you both have the same degree or shared certain classroom experiences. Maybe you both have a deep love of academia for academia's own sake.

If you and your partner both love learning and enjoy the challenge of an educational institution, that makes for incredible common ground already. You can build a great deal of mutual interests and enjoyable hobbies out of that.

Shared Life Struggles

Hardship is an inevitable part of life. Overcoming hardship and recovering from loss can shape your perspective in unique ways. Sometimes sharing these experiences with another person can help you support each other and share common ground.

One important note, though, is that a healthy romantic relationship shouldn't be built around supporting each other. You shouldn't be each other's only outlet, and you should have more in common than shared pain in the past. Otherwise, you run the risk of becoming codependent and lacking the positive attention you need.

Some common shared struggles include:

Shared Industry or Career

A common way that people in the US meet is through work, networking events, industry-specific conventions, or other career-related means. Even if you don't share the same educational background with your partner, maybe you share a passion for the same industry or job.

Depending on the area, this can provide ample opportunity for you to find other shared experiences. What is it you value about the industry or like about your jobs? What first got you involved in this path? What do you envision for your future? Your partner is someone you can share these things with.

People with more conservative views often experience friction with those whose outlook is more progressive or non-traditional. That's just one way in which shared values make a relationship easier.

There are many, many values that people might share or disagree on. As with all other aspects of a relationship, mutual respect is key to building a healthy partnership even when certain values differ.

Values are different from plans for the future or goals. Future plans involve the shared future elements you want to share with a partner. Goals refer to your personal life goals and the things you want to achieve.

Values, on the other hand, are more abstract. They tend to describe the kind of person you want to be and the way you want to act. They have to do with how you treat yourself and others. Many conflicts of "values" are actually conflicts about goals, plans, or less-intrinsic opinions.

Some examples of different and potentially opposing values include:

Tradition and Non-Tradition

One area that often causes disagreements is deciding whether to adhere to traditional or non-traditional lifestyles. Tradition isn't always negative, just as progression isn't always enlightened.

Different people may value their traditions because they want to preserve their culture, because they want a comfortable future, or because a traditional life is the easiest option.

Similarly, some people may break with tradition because they find the expectations to be too constricting, restrained, or conflicting with what they want for their own life.

Finding a person who understands and will accommodate your level of tradition or non-tradition is important for a relationship that lasts. You don't need to share every nuanced value with your partner, but you do need a partner who respects your wishes.

Some areas in which tradition and non-tradition may play a role include:

For many people, it's helpful to consider which traditions you want to keep and which you want to adapt or do away with altogether. And keep in mind that if you start a family or shared life with your partner, you can create new traditions together as well.

Communication Styles

As with all other parts of the relationship, respect is most important in communication. There are dozens of different communication styles. Miscommunication often happens when people think they're expressing one thing, and the other person interprets it completely differently.

To this end, it's important to learn how your partner communicates and to make sure they understand you as well. Different people often value different things in communication.

Some examples might be:

Even if both partners have the best intentions, it's still possible for unintentional mishaps to occur. That's why working with each other and finding common ground is so important.

Structure and Relaxation

Some people prefer to have very strictly defined relationships. These involve rules regarding different areas of each other's lives. Rules aren't always unhealthy - one example would be an agreement to text when one partner is out late, so the other doesn't worry.

But other people prefer not to be constrained by boundaries and rules. They might prefer not to have an exclusive relationship, to go where they want, and to make spontaneous plans. If you're not on the same page with regards to the rules of your relationship (or lack thereof), there will be conflict.

There are a ton of different views on family, varying not just by household but also by culture. Some homes are made up of a nuclear family, while others might include extended relatives like aunts, uncles, cousins, and seniors.

Life experience can also overlap here. Oftentimes single parents find common ground when they date, since they can discuss struggles they've had that other people might not relate to.

Some of the most common views that couples must address and discuss include:

Raising Children

One of the biggest questions a couple needs to answer is whether they want to have children. If the answer is yes, there are other questions as well. How many? Where will they grow up? What kind of education will they have? What kind of values will they be raised with?

If you're starting a family with your partner, you'll want to share expectations on parenting. That means that both of you are aware of what responsibilities you plan to take on and how you plan to raise your children.

Outside Family Involvement

The presence of outside family in people's lives can be a fraught one - just look at all the "in-laws from hell" stereotypes! But it doesn't need to be, especially if you and your partner have similar views on family.

In many cultures, it's common for grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, siblings, and children to live in the same area. Sometimes everyone shares the same house.

For some people, bad blood with family members means that they don't have much contact with parents, siblings, or grandparents. Some people live far apart from their extended families, and others have no family at all.

"Found" families are also important, which are non-traditional family units made up of closely bonded friends who aren't related by blood.

Sharing your family with your partner is intensely personal. So is being shown your partner's family. It's important that both of you understand what family means to each of you.

Work-Home Balancing

One traditional setup is for the man in a relationship to work full-time while the woman takes care of the house. Some people still follow this model, but it's become increasingly rare, particularly in the United States.

You and your partner will have an easier time if you share certain views on work-home balancing. Maybe you both have demanding careers and limited time to work around the house. Maybe one of you has more time for household chores but doesn't want to take on every single responsibility.

The point of a romantic partnership is that you're, well, partners. If you're sharing a life together - especially if you're cohabiting - you each have an equal responsibility to create the home and life you want.

Compatible religious beliefs make a huge difference when dating. Even if you don't have the same religion, it's vital that you have a mutual respect for each other's beliefs and traditions. Partners can have happy relationships without sharing a religion, but religion and spirituality do have a marked impact on things like: